sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
