The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
