Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
