There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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