I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
