I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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