My underwear smells like fireworks.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
