how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
