I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
