I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
