You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
