So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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