how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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