He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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