Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
