I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize