I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
