I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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