I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
