idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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