he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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