i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
