Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
