I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
