Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
