a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
