I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
