Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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