I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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