No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
