Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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