I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ladies don't puke and tell
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
