You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
