I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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