At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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