I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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