the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
