I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
