It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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