Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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