So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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