I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
