drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
where are my eyebrows?
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