he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
