Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
