How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
