you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
