Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
