They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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