So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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