just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
