Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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