And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
