They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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