Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
