curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
