My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
