I can text with my tongue
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
