her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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