Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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