First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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