Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
