I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
