guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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