is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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