also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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