it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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