im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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