Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
