Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
