So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
