Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
