whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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