So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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