Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
