we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
