like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
