You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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