i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
