I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize