You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
