its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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