I am midnight drunk by noon
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
