I hope mine doesn't look like that
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
