I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
