have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize