wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
