I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize