ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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