I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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