i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
