It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
