Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize