shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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