it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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