woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
