I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
