it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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