I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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