We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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