ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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