At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
